I wasn’t expecting the amount of positive support and encouragement I’ve received for expressing myself and wanting to create a space where it’s okay to be open and vulnerable, somewhere I can freely express the beautiful disaster life can be but most generally don’t speak of, because of the fear of our inner weirdo being judged. We are told the rules and how to act, with this we begin to sow a mask we present to the world in hopes we appear to be well put together, censored, the edited version everyone expects us to be, never letting the beauty we hold inside spill out into the world …the thought of this progressively bothered me and made me want to change this view, at very least within myself.
This lead me to dig a little deeper and ask myself, well, “why wasn’t I expecting this kind of feedback, and why had I waited long to listen to my inner yearning to be free, to be myself completely, flaws and all?” While I still can’t say for sure, it seems I had fallen pray to the paralyzing fear of judgement. Judgement of others but mostly of myself, my inner perfectionist and control freak had taken reign and become my biggest critics. I realized I had lost trust in my skills, my relationships, and worst of all, in myself. I had sold myself short for such a long time that it became second nature to accept less than I needed, and almost never speaking up for what I deserved. That way of living would simply no longer sufice, not if I truely wanted to be happy and reach my full potential.
Still, this left me wondering why is it then that we can often clearly see and even go as far as falling in love with who we think someone might potentially be, but it’s almost impossible to envision our own highest good? Is it that we’re afraid of our full potential and the responsibilities that come along with growth? Or can we really not see how great we are? It’s as if we’re taught since children dim our light, in fear of blinding the people who surround us, who don’t understand us, which leads to us shrink in order to fit the mold so we won’t disturb the illusion of peace. Even to the extent of being seen as selfish, or narcissistic when we attempt to take care of our own emotional and physical need first. Again, this left me perplexed.
Why is self care so wrong and often looked down on? Had we forgotten one of the most important factors in applying the golden rule of, “treating others the way you would like to be treated” and never taken into consideration how we would like to be cared for? Did we get lost in the illusion and forget to get to know ourselves and what it means to be loved and respected?
I for one say it’s time we stop the self-love shaming, and take the time to nurture ourselves without feeling guilty. Start the process of self healing, beginning by loving ourselves fully, by shinning a bright light on our impurities, embracing our insecurities and those parts of us we think to be the most unlovable. If we ourselves can’t love these pieces, why then would we burden anyone else? Looking all our imperfections face to face, can be terrifying and likened to pulling off a band-aid, painful as you pull but ultimately liberating.
When we expose who we truly are to the world or to an individual it gives us nothing to hide behind, it leaves us completely naked to the reality of the situation creating a paradox of emotions, both extreamly frightening and courageous.
Yet, I’ve come to the conclusion that if we never expose our truest selves, get out of our comfort zone and just start doing without letting the fear of imperfection stop us in our tracks, our potential to succeed and what we would accomplish is unlimited. I am here to say, it’s okay to make mistakes, because how else would we learn? Just start, take the first step and keep moving. It’s okay not to have it all together, to be a work in progress, to say no, to build healthy boundaries and still love and accept who you are first and fully. Remember we’re all doing the best we can, with the information we have at hand, so forgive yourself for your shortcoming, learn, laugh as often as possible, be confident, and continue making progress, I believe in you.