This morning I was realizing how great I have it. I might not be where I want to be but I’ve come a long way in my last 5 years. I’m a work in progress, I’ll get “there” ..eventually.
I think part of the the problem in my procrastination lies in the fact that, I’m not actually sure where “there” is? Where is this magical place that I’m supposed to be? Who says im supposed to be there ? How am I supposed to get there anyway? Is it all just a matter of good planning??
I moved back in with my parents with the intentions of only being here 6 months to a year …max, but here I am a little over a year with no plans to move out soon.
Its been constant change, from moving and going from one place to another, I haven’t given my living conditions and other important areas in my life too much attention. One week I’d be going out town, staying at friends house or working, always out and about. I got caught up in life and became a little irresponsible, I can recognize it, but the challenge now is in my next step, what am I going to do about it?
- I had so much going on I hadn’t taken the time to think about what 6 months from then was going to look like, there was too much clutter.
Im actively working on rearranging my priorities. Creating more time for myself, and nurturing my goals. Everything around us is always bidding for our time and energy, but the choice is ultimately ours on what we want to focus it on.
I’ve meet some of the best people, exposed to countless music concerts, festivals, eye opening experiences, and personalities, I wouldn’t change one thing . Im fortunate enough to have traveled almost all 50 states, shy of maybe 15 or so, of which are definitely on the list, but haven’t gotten around to. All of this was accomplished with minimal planning, just taking it day by day. It wasn’t all good, I went back to school and failed out… again. With the excuse of “not enough time”, but I still found time to hang out with my friends and maybe take a weekend trip. Its all been beautiful and I would never trade it, but it is energy and time consuming, so it forced me to decide time and time again between adventure or routine, you know, the sure way?
Well, come to find out I’m not made for routine, I need to be constantly challenged to be at my best.
So, I’d regurlarly scooch things down my priority list like school work, and sleep, and instead pick a new city, or new bar just looking to explore a little and see something different ..
Now that I have more down time, it’s really starting to set in. I’m a grown up now. What the fuck, since when? Does this mean I should have life and stuff figured out?? At what age or when is it that the imaginary line is drawn that defines adulthood? And can someone please explain what exactly does it mean to be an adult?? Am I doing it right ? Someone help…
But still, in the mist of all this confusion, I have everything I could ask for. Supporting family and friends, a place to stay, a career, and a little drive to keep going. Let’s see where the next 5 years takes me; hopefully just as great or better than the last!