Well…so much for writing everyday, or doing this whole 30 day challenge thing. It’s pretty apparent I’ve failed miserably.
Let’s all take a moment and laugh together.😑
Life happened. I unintentionally took a 4 month hiatus, it might have been because of the unexpected twists and turns life beautifully flows in or lack of motivation..probably a bit of both to be honest. There is and has been so much change surrounding me, so much uncertainty, all of which is uncomfortable but what gets to me the most is what comes with it: the anxiety of not knowing.
It leaves me in the dark with no clear path, no real direction, kind of blindly walking in whatever direction seems right at the time.
This same thought always takes me back to the first burn I attended.
It was held in Texas, on memorial day weekend. The summer heat was scorching, we were camping and it had to be the second or third day of the trip, by this time we had all given up trying to upkeep the illusion society imposes on us. No more social norms, politically correct answers, or preconceived notion of who we were supposed to be, relieving the stress that most unnecessary and at times unintentionally carry to social situations. This open environment caused the normal annoying insecurities to slowly vanish.
The kicker was: once there, I came to the realization that anxiety and worry are a waste of precious time, and It’s ok to be exactly as different as you were naturally intended to be.
Being unique was celebrated and embraced fully, beauty was seen in diversity and encouraged. We were all kind of just happily existing, whatever that may have meant to each individual. We felt as though we were finally at home, a soft, cozy accepting community to be amongst, in the mist of the turbulent reality we live in.
I remember sitting outside our campsite on this particular day with not much on my mind. There was no phone reception, no communication with the world and honestly not much to think or worry about. As I was blankly starring out, observing everything and everyone around me, a tree directly in front of me caught my attention. At first I saw the tree as a whole, as I usually would but the more I focused in, the more every detail came to life. My attention slowly started shifting to the darkness surrounding each individual branch and leaf alike, and as I was continued to sit there aimlessly starring out, it put “darkness” into perspective.
It reminded me that when surrounded by darkness, or what we perceive as a dark situations, actually isn’t darkness at all, rather an empty space alloted to each one of us which gives us an opportunity to grow.
It’s mother nature’s way of giving us space to figure out what our hearts true desires are while letting us create it in our own way, without any confinement. No particular mold or pattern to follow, it gives us complete freedom to spread out and be exactly who we were divinely intended to be. Of course, it also made me realize why the darkness around us is so terrifying. This darkness does not only signify freedom, it also implies full responsibility for what we create in this space given to us. Each individual is their own masterpiece, and even though it seems frightening not knowing what path to traverse, it’s also part of the excitment and magnificence of being alive.
I love the Universe for giving me the opportunity to occupy this space and time, even through the uncomfortable twists and turns. Life is a trip, a mindfuck, a psychedelic journey, a lucid dream. It’s everything you can imagine and it’s all real.