Tag Archives: #moderndayhippie

Unintentional hiatus 

Well…so much for writing everyday, or doing this whole 30 day challenge thing. It’s pretty apparent I’ve failed miserably. 

Let’s all take a moment and laugh together.😑

Life happened. I unintentionally took a 4 month hiatus, it might have been because of the unexpected twists and turns life beautifully flows in or lack of motivation..probably a bit of both to be honest. There is and has been so much change surrounding me, so much uncertainty, all of which is uncomfortable but what gets to me the most is what comes with it: the anxiety of not knowing

It leaves me in the dark with no clear path, no real direction, kind of blindly walking in whatever direction seems right at the time. 

This same thought always takes me back to the first burn I attended. 

 It was held in Texas, on memorial day weekend. The summer heat was scorching, we were camping and it had to be the second or third day of the trip, by this time we had all given up trying to upkeep the illusion society imposes on us. No more social norms, politically correct answers, or preconceived notion of who we were supposed to be, relieving the stress that most unnecessary and at times unintentionally carry to social situations. This open environment caused the normal annoying insecurities to slowly vanish. 

The kicker was: once there, I came to the realization that anxiety and worry are a waste of precious time, and It’s ok to be exactly as different as you were naturally intended to be. 

Being unique was celebrated and embraced fully, beauty was seen in diversity and encouraged. We were all kind of just happily existing, whatever that may have meant to each individual. We felt as though we were finally at home, a soft, cozy accepting community to be amongst, in the mist of the turbulent reality we live in.

I remember sitting outside our campsite on this particular day with not much on my mind. There was no phone reception, no communication with the world and honestly not much to think or worry about. As I was blankly starring out, observing everything and everyone around me, a tree directly in front of me caught my attention. At first I saw the tree as a whole, as I usually would but the more I focused in, the more every detail came to life. My attention slowly started shifting to the darkness surrounding each individual branch and leaf alike, and as I was continued to sit there aimlessly starring out, it put “darkness” into perspective. 

It reminded me that when surrounded by darkness, or what we perceive as a dark situations, actually isn’t darkness at all, rather an empty space alloted to each one of us which gives us an opportunity to grow. 

It’s mother nature’s way of giving us space to figure out what our hearts true desires are while letting us create it in our own way, without any confinement. No particular mold or pattern to follow, it gives us complete freedom to spread out and be exactly who we were divinely intended to be. Of course, it also made me realize why the darkness around us is so terrifying. This darkness does not only signify freedom, it also implies full responsibility for what we create in this space given to us. Each individual is their own masterpiece, and even though it seems frightening not knowing what path to traverse, it’s also part of the excitment and magnificence of being alive. 

I love the Universe for giving me the opportunity to occupy this space and time, even through the uncomfortable twists and turns. Life is a trip, a mindfuck, a psychedelic journey, a lucid dream. It’s everything you can imagine and it’s all real.

No matter how hectic things may seem, remember to take a deep breath, slow it down and enjoy the ride.❤ 

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Am I doing it right?

This morning I was realizing how great I have it. I might not be where I want to be but I’ve come a long way in my last 5 years. I’m a work in  progress, I’ll get “there” ..eventually. 

I think part of the the problem in my procrastination lies in the fact that, I’m not actually sure where “there” is? Where is this magical place that I’m supposed to be? Who says im supposed to be there ? How am I supposed to get there anyway? Is it all just a matter of good planning??

I moved back in with my parents with the intentions of only being here 6 months to a year …max, but here I am a little over a year with no plans to move out soon.

Its been constant change, from moving and going from one place to another, I haven’t given my living conditions and other important areas in my life too much attention. One week I’d be going out town, staying at friends house or working, always out and about. I got caught up in life and became a little irresponsible, I can recognize it, but the challenge now is in my next step, what am I going to do about it?

  • I had so much going on I hadn’t taken the time to think about what 6 months from then was going to look like, there was too much clutter.

Im actively working on rearranging my priorities. Creating more time for myself, and nurturing my goals. Everything around us is always bidding for our time and energy, but the choice is ultimately ours on what we want to focus it on.

I’ve meet some of the best people, exposed to countless music concerts, festivals, eye opening experiences, and personalities, I wouldn’t change one thing . Im fortunate enough to have traveled almost all 50 states, shy of maybe 15 or so, of which are definitely on the list, but haven’t gotten around to. All of this was accomplished with minimal planning, just taking it day by day. It wasn’t all good, I went back to school and failed out… again. With the excuse of  “not enough time”, but I still found time to hang out with my friends and maybe take a weekend trip. Its all been beautiful and I would never trade it, but it is energy and time consuming, so it forced me to decide time and time again between adventure or routine, you know, the sure way?

Well, come to find out I’m not made for routine, I need to be constantly challenged to be at my best.

So, I’d regurlarly scooch things down my priority list like school work, and sleep, and instead pick a new city, or new bar just looking to explore a little and see something different ..

Now that I have more down time, it’s really starting to set in. I’m a grown up now. What the fuck, since when? Does this mean I should have life and stuff figured out?? At what age or when is it that the imaginary line is drawn that defines adulthood? And can someone please explain what exactly does it mean to be an adult?? Am I doing it right ? Someone help…

But still, in the mist of all this confusion, I have everything I could ask for. Supporting family and friends, a place to stay, a career, and a little drive to keep going. Let’s see where the next 5 years takes me; hopefully just as great or better than the last!

Fuck it.

The night before last I was reminded of the ancient art of not giving a fuck, and why it’s so vital to my life. I was with a friend and I needed a few items so we decided to make a quick trip to Walmart. Sure, that may not seem like a daunting task to most but being from a small town it’s almost a guarantee you’ll cross at least 2-3 familiar faces that you’re not particularly excited to see, especially in the conditions I was in. Usually, I wouldn’t of given this a second thought, but I just wasn’t feeling up for the challenge. I had been painting all day, which by the way is turning out to be more than I bargained for, so much so, I have half a mind to just leave it as is: a partialy painted mess and honestly at this point, I wouldn’t care if it stays that way.

Yeah, I know …😐
Kind of proud of how my mirror turned out though😄

Anyways, my hair was a bit more tattered than usual, no makeup, and by the splatters on my skin and clothes you could clearly see I was in a losing battle with paint of some sort. I was hesitant to go in so I asked my buddy if he could run in and grab my items while I waited in the car. He responded with, “if there’s anything I’ve learned from you, it’s fuck it, just go, they don’t know your life, your struggles.” At the moment hearing him reiterate what I had jokingly said to him hundreds of times in attempts to get him to comply with the uncomfortable situations I’d put him in, thought it was hilarious, or at least funny enough to get me out of the hazy state of mind I was in and into the store. Needless to say it wasn’t as dreadful as I had imagined, it never is, and actually ended up being a fairly painless in-and-out process.

I would have never thought of my nonchalant approach to decision making as an admirable trait, but his comment made me see it in a new light. It made my heart smile, and reminded me not to take life so seriously, to act without hesitation, or my motivation would quickly dwindle down and overthinking would set in.

I’ve made more than my fair share of life changing decision based on this philosophy, you’d even think I have it down to a fucking science, butttt… I had forgotten how powerful it could be when applied correctly to everyday use. Some might call it impulsive, maybe even reckless, but ehhh, I dont need those people and that kind of negativity in my life. I’d say it’s more of a calculated risk, It’s all about perspective 🙃.

I’ve found that the most difficult aspect of this philosophy to apply is actually deciding what I want. But once the decision is made, fuck it, take the risk and just fucking do it…why not? Especially when life calls for action without giving you time to carefully weigh out your options. I try and be as prepared as can be but it seems the more I wait for the “perfect moment” or until I feel completely “ready” it becomes something I wanted or wished I would have done, not to mention, I’d never get anything accomplished.

Personally, I like to just follow the experience, go with the flow of things, break lose and act on what feels right at the moment whether it turns out to be a lesson or a cherished memory there’s definitely great value in both.🤘

What’s your full potential?

I wasn’t expecting the amount of positive support and encouragement I’ve received for expressing myself and wanting to create a space where it’s okay to be open and vulnerable, somewhere I can freely express the beautiful disaster life can be but most generally don’t speak of, because of the fear of our inner weirdo being judged. We are told the rules and how to act, with this we begin to sow a mask we present to the world in hopes we appear to be well put together, censored, the edited version everyone expects us to be, never letting the beauty we hold inside spill out into the world …the thought of this progressively bothered me and made me want to change this view, at very least within myself.

This lead me to dig a little deeper and ask myself, well, “why wasn’t I expecting this kind of feedback, and why had I waited  long to listen to my inner yearning to be free, to be myself completely, flaws and all?” While I still can’t say for sure, it seems I had fallen pray to the paralyzing fear of judgement. Judgement of others but mostly of myself, my inner perfectionist and control freak had taken reign and become my biggest critics. I realized I had lost trust in my skills, my relationships, and worst of all, in myself. I had sold myself short for such a long time that it became second nature to accept less than I needed, and almost never speaking up for what I deserved. That way of living would simply no longer sufice, not if I truely wanted to be happy and reach my full potential.

Still, this left me wondering why is it then that we can often clearly see and even go as far as falling in love with who we think someone might potentially be, but it’s almost impossible to envision our own highest good? Is it that we’re afraid of our full potential and the responsibilities that come along with growth? Or can we really not see how great we are? It’s as if we’re taught since children dim our light, in fear of blinding the people who surround us, who don’t understand us, which leads to us shrink in order to fit the mold so we won’t disturb the illusion of peace.  Even to the extent of being seen as selfish, or narcissistic when we attempt to take care of our own emotional and physical need first. Again, this left me perplexed.

Why is self care so wrong and often looked down on? Had we forgotten one of the most important factors in applying the golden rule of, “treating others the way you would like to be treated” and never taken into consideration how we would like to be cared for? Did we get lost in the illusion and forget to get to know ourselves and what it means to be loved and respected?

I for one say it’s time we stop the self-love shaming, and take the time to nurture ourselves without feeling guilty. Start the process of self healing, beginning by loving ourselves fully, by shinning a bright light on our impurities, embracing our insecurities and those parts of us we think to be the most unlovable. If we ourselves can’t love these pieces, why then would we burden anyone else? Looking all our imperfections face to face, can be terrifying and likened to pulling off a band-aid, painful as you pull but ultimately liberating.

When we expose who we truly are to the world or to an individual it gives us nothing to hide behind, it leaves us completely naked to the reality of the situation creating a paradox of emotions, both extreamly frightening and courageous. 

Yet, I’ve come to the conclusion that if we never expose our truest selves, get out of our comfort zone and just start doing without letting the fear of imperfection stop us in our tracks, our potential to succeed and what we would accomplish is unlimited. I am here to say, it’s okay to make mistakes, because how else would we learn? Just start, take the first step and keep moving. It’s okay not to have it all together, to be a work in progress, to say no, to build healthy boundaries and still love and accept who you are first and fully. Remember we’re all doing the best we can, with the information we have at hand, so forgive yourself for your shortcoming, learn, laugh as often as possible, be confident, and continue making progress, I believe in you.💋

Life&Stuff

                ❤

I admire your valient effort.

You have seen me at my worst, in my most unflattering moments but you’re not afraid, always up for the the challenge never asking what’s in it for you.

You don’t suffocate me with the endless what ifs, nor do you ask me to relive my pain; Instead you take the time to unravel the twisted complexities that lie hidden within my mind.

You wrap your compassionate words, loving smile and understanding arms around me. You give me comfort, peace, a place to call home nestled warmly next to you. You allow me to let my walls come crashing down, letting the darkness of my flaws slowly seep out, no questions asked only acceptance, pure joy and ecstasy, a beautiful exchange.

 I admire your effort when not even I seemed to have the strength to continue, you’ve come along with a gentle shove ready to share a piece of hope, optimism and laughter without giving it a second thought.

 I admire how you have taken on a pain that isn’t your own or even helped create and offered to help heal it. I am a jigsaw puzzle that you’re determined to solve, to piece together with tender care like some sort of martyr for love, giving your all asking for nothing more than a sincere smile in return.

 I respect and adore you, your efforts never going unnoticed, I appreciate you more than you will ever know, more than I will ever be able to express with a few simple words.

Thank you, I am eternally grateful for you and your valient effort.❤

First blog post

Heyyy my name is Adilene…
I’m a 20 something with high ambitions. A dreamer and doer with an inquisitive mind as well as an unquenchable thirst for adventure, knowledge, and the curiosity of a child. I navigate life in a seemingly constant state of awe and wonderlust; A gypsy soul with a hippie heart. I’m passionate about traveling, meeting new people, exploring different music, cultures, foods, traditions, and spirituality. I choose to be an optimists, because why make your life any more difficult than it has to be. Follow along and experience life from my point of view, dive in, let’s get lost.✌❤😊